1. Aftermath

A/N- So this is my first try at writing a fan fic. I hope you like and please do comment I'd appreciate the feed back! Lots of love, XOXO Mimi

Undisclosed Desires- The Muse
I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

“I wish I could say that I didn’t like it.” I mumble as I look down at the liquid I’m swirling around in the half drunken cup of tea I’m trying to enjoy. The truth is that as warm and comforting as this is supposed to make me feel, it doesn’t accomplish its task at all.

I can’t help but feel a little ashamed, very sore and physically sick since I dragged myself out of his arms, out of his warm bed and into the freezing cold first thing this morning. It could also be the pounding in my head from the newly acquired hangover I’m sporting this fine AM. I was feeling fine when it came out of nowhere in the last hour, or the fact that I’ve had about an hours worth of sleep, and have a board meeting at 9am.

It’s currently 7:15 and if I don’t get my butt in gear not only will I’ll be tired and hung over, but I can also add late to the list.

I shift my weight to try and get comfortable as I’m sitting here but man am I tender. Jenn looks at me with those eyes that says she knows exactly what I’m thinking …how I’m feeling.

“Babe, don’t beat yourself up about this” she gives me a sympathetic look as she pats my hand. “If I got upset about all the times I’ve met some guy at a bar, thoroughly fucked his brains out and ended up doing the walk of shame home at some ungodly hour in the morning, well I’d ….. I’d ….I don’t know, I’d probably have a huge fucking therapy bill. So luckily I don’t give a shit”

I know it’s a crock of bull as soon as it leaves her lips. But I let her believe her rant, because I know that the next time this happens to her, she’ll call me during “the walk” and inform me of all the wildly vivid and graphic details. Then, later that same night, cry on my shoulder about why she hates to be single and alone. But for now she’s super powerful single woman, and I love her just the same for trying to make me feel better.

I also know that this is about a supportive I’m going to get from her this early in the morning. She’s known to be clinically brain-dead at this hour, I’m just thankful that after the last 45 minutes of hearing her chirping me jovially about what a slut I am, this is where she ends her ribbing and gives me a hug.

As she wraps me in a particularly tight squeeze, I try not to show it, but the little pressure she puts into her hug pains my tender muscles and I flinch.

“Apparently you were actually man handled last night…. First time in your life?” Jenn looks at me expectantly. When I don’t reply she states matter of factly “I knew he’d be good, he looked like he’d be good” she giggles wildly.

“Jenn stop” I warn her, I could feel the blush creeping up my neck to my face. “I’m tired and sore and not in the mood for anymore commentary”

“You’re the one who likes them big”

I’m at a full blush now. I can feel how hot my cheeks are without even touching my face. She laughs a little more hardily at that. “Jenn” I warn again.

“What was he like 6’ 5’?” She continues. “He wasn’t a giant you idiot, he was probably 6 feet”

I begin to pout, mostly because I’m tired and she’s driving me nuts, which is a short drive on most days when she’s in a mood like this.

She must see in my face that she’s getting under my skin because she backs off. “Awww honey, don’t be so hard on yourself. You just admitted it, you liked it! Plus, you never know maybe there will be a sequel”

With that I get up off the stool I’m sitting on at the island in the middle of our kitchen. I walk over to the sink and rinse out my cup before I retreat to my room to get my things together to shower.

Jenn follows me down the hall on her way to her room. “I’m going back to bed. I’m exhausted after last night. Thank God I’m off today! Movie date later, on the couch?”

“Sure we’ll order in, I’m not in the mood for doing anything tonight” I answer back while I do a quick run around my room, pulling my new black extremely form fitting suit out of its home and hang it on the back of my door. I pair it with a silk black blouse and a long strand of black ocean pearls. Apparently black is the colour of the day. I need to look good today to counter act the way I feel, I may feel like death warmed over currently but I have to at least look the part of the professional.

I work at a large insurance company; I’m an assistant broker to 3 V.P.’s, just started actually. After I got bored in my last career in the fashion industry, I went back to school and made the best decision of my life. I’m no longer on call, sometimes working 7 days a week. I have a normal Monday – Friday work week with great benefits and an amazing salary. I know quite the stretch; I hear it all the time. But truly there is only so much of the phony back stabbing fashionista types you can handle before you start to lose yourself and become one of them.

The only drawback of not being in the industry anymore… no more free make-up and clothes, that’s the thing that hurts the most. Thankfully, I had acquired quite the collection over my career so at least I could still look good.

Jenn stops and leans against my door frame scratching her head, watching me with an amused look on her face while I run around my room like a maniac.

“Sounds good and I can’t wait to hear all the juicy details when you’re not so crabby, and I do mean DETAILS. You do know his name don’t you?” She looks at me like I won’t know and she’s going to die laughing.

Now I’m pissed. “Of course I know his fucking name!” I yell. How could I forget it? I was screaming it all night. It was permanently burnt into my memory at this point.

“Well what is it?” God she’s annoying this morning.

“Later, Good night” and with that I walk right past her and shut the door to the bathroom, successfully ending the conversation for the time being.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I strip off my clothing and stand there in just my black lace panties looking at my reflection in the mirror. This is new to me. I’ve never done anything like this in my life. What started out as a girls night out, ended up being this girls night out in some sexy mans bed.

I look over my body, it’s athletic but soft, except for my legs, they are really muscular. I look like a woman should look, curvy. Or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I’m a little self conscious about my body. I think I’m too pale and that I could stand to lose a few pounds. But I’ve also been told I’m nuts to even think it.

Appraising the sight before me, there are a few reddish marks starting to rear their little heads. I have a few ‘love’ bites on my full breasts and on the slope of my stomach. They look bright red in comparison to my glowing white skin. I make a mental note to go tanning, as I currently can reflect the sun like tin foil or snow in the winter. I can’t believe I let him see me naked like this. I guess he couldn’t tell in the dim lighting of the pub, or back at his place, and well we all look the same in the dark.

I slip my fingers into the waistband of my panties and pull them down when my fingers find a really tender area. Another bite mark, and its big. It’s just inside my hip bone but not quite on my stomach.

I remember getting it. “Oh God” I groan to myself. He started trailing soft kisses down my stomach and lingered there for what felt like forever. What he didn’t realize is that that is one of my spots and he was driving me up the wall his tongue, his teeth, his lips. He finished teasing me and started his slow descend towards his final destination.

I look back to my face; my blue eyes are rimmed by red eyelids. God, I look like shit. My light brown hair that normally has natural blonde highlights and lots of volume, now looks dead and lifeless. My usually full lips are red and look bee stung. Well, I did wake up to him kissing me awake this morning, nibbling gently on my bottom lip until I reciprocated the kiss. Once I did it was all over, round 5- I think. My God I don’t know where he found the strength. Though this morning it was different, less urgent, softer, slower, sleepy.

I turn on the hot water only and step into the spray, the water should scald me buy I feel so cold. It does hurt my newly acquired love marks though and I’m forced to add some cold water to the mix.

I take extra time in the shower soaping up every tender part of my body and thoroughly washing and conditioning my hair. Once all the necessities are taken care of I just stand in the spray with my eyes closed. I let the water flow over my body, washing my overly stimulated emotions down the drain. I think back on the night’s events, how nervous I felt, how he touched me, how his skin felt against me and how he fit inside me. I’d never felt like that before. I didn’t even know I could feel like that.

I run my fingers through my hair to make sure there are no tangles and I’ve gotten all the conditioner out, but it reminds me of his hands in my hair and on my neck. It sends a shudder through my body and I’m covered in goose bumps, I need to take a few deep breathes to regain my composure.

I get lost in my thoughts. I like to pride myself on my judgment. Some people may say that I’m a prude, but I don’t do one night stands. Well didn’t. Let’s be honest, after the Olympic try outs I participated in last night I can’t really wear the holier then now cap now can I? I was not the cow handing out the milk that’s for sure, last night however, it was free and all you can drink. I guess he was thirsty because we went at it for hours.

To be honest I live vicariously through all my single friends and their torrid little rendez vous. I’ve always had sex with people I’ve been in a relationship with, and I’ve been in two serious ones in my entire life. The most recent one was for 6 years and I hadn’t been with anyone since it ended 6 months ago. Maybe this is why last night I through caution to the wind and the tequila down my throat.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. “Michele, you’re going to be late! Its 7:45 already!” Jenn speaks softly through the door.

“Shit, ok thanks” With that I’m out of the shower in a heartbeat, wrapping my hair in one towel and my body in the other. I quickly blow dry and straighten my hair. Then apply my usual 5 minute face playing up my eyes and lips, throw on my chosen outfit for the day, and spray on a little perfume to finish off. Where the hell is my purse? The kitchen…

I rush through the kitchen to grab my purse. “I thought you were going to bed?” I ask Jenn once I grab my bag and notice her at the fridge on my way to the front door.

“Just getting some water, I need to take something for this headache” She barely answers. “Your looking more alive”

“Thanks, see you tonight” I call to her as I shut the door.

_________________________________________________________________________________

20 minutes later I’m in my Golf driving feverishly towards downtown, only to run into a major traffic jam on the lakeshore. This is going to be a great day I think to myself, I wonder how his day is going so far. Why am I even thinking this?

I’m not naïve. Yes, he was sweet and he did ask me for my number last night and again this morning before I left. He handed me his IPhone, with the new contact screen already open. I pushed in the numbers along with my name and placed it back in his awaiting hand.

“Thanks” he smiled this beautiful smile that made my stomach flip. Oh God, don’t do this Michele!

“You’re welcome” I answered with a shy smile, then pulling my bottom lip between my teeth nervously.

He pulled me into his massive arms, pressing his body completely against mine. “I’ll call you” he whispered softly into my ear. I closed my eyes as he held me there and I wondered if he really would call.

As if he could read my mind, “Soon” he whispered again, but this time he let his lips trail up the shell of my ear. He pulled away slowly and placed his hands on either side of my face and gave me a long kiss goodbye. My knees almost gave out as he let me go, as if he was the only reason I was upright to begin with.

“Good bye, Beautiful”

“Bye”

It would be easy to melt over the thought of him, but let’s be realistic here; hockey players don’t have the best track records. This probably doesn’t even faze him. I’m sure with whom he is, this is an everyday occurrence and it pains me to think it but he probably won’t think of me, and probably couldn’t care less.