Monday, October 31, 2011

13. Open Your Eyes

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Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

-Open your eyes, Snow Patrol

“Everything in this room is gorgeous” Tyler states not breaking eye contact with me. We stare at each other for what seems like a longer then appropriate. Was he talking about me too??

The moment was broken when Darryl yells from the front doorway. “Can someone start a fire? It’s freezing in here.”

“Sure” “Yup” We say at the same time. The huge smile that’s on his face is infectious.

“You grab the wood, I’ll start the fire?” I ask hoping we can do this together.

“Be right back” He answers as he trots off in search of some wood.

I can’t take my eyes off him as I watch him leave. His shoulders look unbelievably wide in his down jacket and all I can think about is how it would feel to be pressed up against what I assume would be an incredibly hard body. Why am I thinking like this?

“Michelle, get up here you have to see this” I’m pulled out of my day dream as Jenn calls from somewhere in the depths of the house. I make my way over in the direction I heard her voice come from. I find her sprawled out in the middle of a bed surrounded by fluffy pillows in one of the rooms. It looks like heaven. I run over and jump beside her.

“You geek”

She laughs out and we settle on the bed side by side facing each other.

“ALL of the rooms are like this. And, each one has an idock that you can play in the room, throughout the whole house or in just selected rooms. Isn’t that awesome?” She looks like a kid on Christmas morning.

“This place is unbelievable.” I say with a sigh.

“What’s unbelievable is that you’re with Joffrey and not with Tyler. Now THAT’S what’s un-believable”

“Jenn, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” I turn away from the window to give her my not impressed look.

“Maybe not, but I know what I see.” She pauses. “I came back to get you earlier but I stopped myself when I saw you and Tyler having a moment by the fire place. It may have been innocent, but trust me, if you were single, the two of you would be all over each other.”

I stare at her for a minute contemplating my life.

“What am I supposed to do Jenn?” She shrugs her shoulders at my question.

“I know things have to end with Joffrey that much is obvious. I can’t be with someone when I’m thinking about someone else most of the time. But how can I possibly pursue anything with Tyler? They P-L-A-Y together Jenn. That shit bonds these guys for life.”

I think I may have gotten to her when she lies on her back and exhales deeply.

“I never thought of it that way.” She confesses. “I guess it’s not as easy as I though. I just think there’s something about you and Tyler. Plus have you seen his ass….Je-sus” Typical Jenn.

I ignore her last comment for the time being.“ Maybe I just need to give Joffrey one more shot. This weekend will be the deciding factor on whether or not we go forward.” She lets out a huff as I roll off the bed. I duck quickly as a pillow flies by my head while I walk over to the floor to ceiling windows.

I pull back the curtain to reveal the most beautiful view of the snow covered hills. This side of the mountain is a little bit darker, more secluded but there’s a haze of light peaks over the mountain from the village, making the tree tops glow a stunning shade of deep green. “And Jenn? I don’t need any encouragement when it comes to thinking about Tyler.

I felt like such an idiot, but I couldn’t stop the words earlier when they fell out of my mouth, and every word I spoke was true. Everything in that room was beautiful, but it was Michele I was talking about. It took all I had in me to not close the distance between us and kiss her. The setting was perfect but the moment wasn’t mine.

When I came back from the garage where I found the logs to start the fire, I was disappointed to discover she was gone.

I began making a tee-pee with three logs, then balled up some paper and wedged them into the open spaces to help get it going. With a strike of a match the paper went up in flames and thankfully the firewood was dry enough that the fire took immediately. She would have been impressed at how good I am at that.

The guys were standing around the island in the kitchen having a beer and talking about grabbing dinner at some seafood restaurant we had seen on the way in. I walked to the front hallway to pick up my bag and grabbed the already open beer Luca offered me. I took a good long swig before making my way through the living area and up the stairs.

I guess everyone decided to follow my lead because before long the second floor was packed with bodies looking room to room trying to declare which was theirs.

The chalet had eight rooms, so one would go unused, or so I thought. The look on Michelle’s face was heartbreaking when Joff dropped her bag off and declared it her room.

“Sweetie, since you haven’t been feeling well lately you need to get some rest and I can’t take a chance sleeping in the same bed as you all weekend and risk getting sick. It’s too late in the season” She looked up at him as he pats her cheek and I could see the glassiness in her eyes.

“Besides, we always sleep in a king sized bed. It’ll be too cramped sleeping in a queen…. Why don’t you go get ready for dinner since we’ll be leaving shortly?”

I would sleep with her in on a loveseat, crumpled in a ball and not be uncomfortable. Man I hope she opens her eyes soon. It’s obvious he’s just into sex and nothing else. I could see her cover up her hurt, smile at him and turn toward her room.

He walked by Boyce and patted him on the shoulder. “I should have left her at home. Did you see the talent around here? Unbelievable! I’ll put her to bed early so we can go and check out what the mountain has to offer.”

I went directly to my room which was conveniently located between Michelle’s and Joffrey’s to unpack my stuff. I could hear the water running through my bathroom wall letting me know she was taking a shower. I decided to hop in myself and get ready.

I finished showering and was drying off but noticed, well heard, her water still running. She must like to take really long showers. But that’s when I heard the worst sound I could her coming from her room, well I guess the second worst, her crying softly. I wanted to go in there and tell her that he’s a dick and that she’s beautiful and there are way better guys out there for her. At this moment I could only think of one.

But I don’t do anything. I chicken out and finish getting ready. What am I supposed to do? My hands are tied here. I won’t rock the boat with my team and I’m not close enough to Joff to tell him off. So for now I’ll have to wait.

I head down to the living room and put another log on the fire. Joffrey is already there, laughing and telling a story to both Tim and Phil, both of which are in relationships and never cheat on their girls.

Phil looks at me like he can sense my anger. He knows me well and I’ve told him how I feel. He’s the only one I’d ever trust to tell this to because I know he won’t judge me. I sit next to him in one of the unoccupied seats and join the conversation. Soon all the guys are sitting around shooting the breeze.

10 mins later Jenn comes sauntering down the stairs. Jenn’s a spunky little thing with dark brown hair and matching eyes. I catch both Boyce and Luca giving her the once over. She tells us that Michelle is ready but her mom called and she was just finishing up.

“I’ll go grab her” Joffrey says as he begins to rise from his seat.

“Don’t bother. She’ll be down in a second.” Jenn snaps at him and Joff sits immediately. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him listen to anyone like that, besides Wilson that is.

Almost like clockwork Michelle comes walking down the stairs looking soft and cuddly in a white sweater that stretches across her full breasts and dark skinny jeans that hug her curves in all the right places. The closer she gets, the more breathtaking she is.

Her makeup is subtle just how I like makeup to be. Her hair is down and looks so soft I want to run my fingers through it.

“Are we ready to go or what? Sorry I took so long, Moms you know?” She says so cheerily I am surprised at how strong she is considering that not even an hour ago she was crying.

Michelle struts straight by us and straight to the front door. I watch her pull on these brown leather boots that go to her knee. I want to be close to her, to protect her from him and I find myself standing up and making my way over to her, grabbing my coat on the way and slipping on my shoes when I reach her.

“How far is this place?” Jenn pipes up from behind me as the rest of the group starts getting ready to leave.

“Not too far” Phil answers.

We walk to the restaurant which is only 10 minutes or so away. Joffrey leads the way and I notice Michelle has pulled back and is near the back of the group talking to Phil. I’m a little nervous about them talking, I know I can trust Phil but still I feel anxious.

Jenn sneaks up beside me and gives me a little elbow. “So that was a dick move.” She states. I look at her expectantly even though I think I know exactly what she’s talking about.

“Don’t play dumb Tyler. I know you think he’s a jerk and I heard what he said in the hallway. I also know that you’ve got it bad for her. Don’t be a pussy, let her know you’re interested this weekend. You never know unless you try”

She doesn’t even give me a chance to deny it before she starts asking about Luca. “So what’s the deal with your roomie?”

“It’s complicated” I say quietly watching my feet go one in front of the other.

“Your roomie is complicated?”

“No. Not that, he’s a good guy. Michelle I mean. That’s complicated. I can’t say or do anything. She’s with my teammate and that’s that.” I say very matter of factly.

“Good to know” Jenn states smiling.

What is she talking about? Why is she smiling? God she’s confusing. “Good to know what?”

“That your roommate is a good guy. As for the rest of the shit you’re shoveling to me save it….. Answer one question for me. Do you like her Tyler?”


“Does he sleep around?”

I stare ahead because I don’t dare look at her.

“Would you do what he does?”

I shake my head no.

I guess my silence answers everything.

“That’s what I thought. Look, I’m not saying for you to announce your undying love for her. But just be there, get to know her, make the effort.”

We walk in silence as I mull over what Jenn has said to me.

I can’t make a move on her while she’s with him, I just can’t do it. Things would be so different if they weren’t together.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011


Could things get any worse than they are right now? It’s Wednesday, we had decided to go to Blue Mountain in Collingwood for the weekend to blow of some steam.

Originally it was supposed to be Boyce, Brenter, Phil and me, but someone had to open their mouth and mention it in front of Joff, so obviously he’s joining us now. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind the guy at all. He seems like a good guy from what I know of him with the exception of his roaming eye. My problem with him is not him. My problem is with me and the fact that I can’t stop thinking about his girlfriend.

I wanted to shoot myself in the face when he entered the locker room from the shower asking if he could bring her along. Then slyly adds he can ask her friend to join us if I want a piece. I didn’t even get a chance to answer before Boyce jumps in. “Yeah buddy invite them it’ll be good” Just what I needed right now, I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind since we had lunch. Now I have to watch him with her for 3 days. Talk about a relaxing weekend.

I can’t even stomach to look at him right now. Last Sunday night we left on a road trip. We landed in Philly and couple of us went out to grab a beer. Of course with this being Joff’s old stomping ground he knew exactly where to go. It didn’t take long before there were girls everywhere and Joff was smack dab right in the middle soaking up the attention.

We were having a pretty good time when I happened to see some bleach blonde punk slut making the moves on Joffrey. He seemed totally interested which didn’t surprise me, we all know how reputation follows you.

I was chatting up some red head trying to clear my mind of its new favorite obsession. She was nice enough. Her name was Emma and she was an accountant. We talked and I tried to flirt but I just didn’t have it in me. After finding out that she was a Capricorn, loved cats and taught swimming lessons I mentally checked out. I couldn’t help it any longer I watched Joffrey talking up some girls hoping that he would screw up and make a move on anyone of them but he didn’t while I was there.

We stayed for another drink but I sent Red on her way. I ended up drowning my sorrows in my beer while thinking of Michelle, at home alone in bed waiting for Joffrey to call, wishing it was me she was thinking of.

Get your shit together I kept telling myself.

I let the Boyce know I was leaving early but when I got back to the hotel I couldn’t sleep. This was seriously screwing with my head. I kept going over the conversation with her from lunch, the way I made her laugh, seeing her smile. The way her hand felt on my arm. I know she felt something too, the way her body reacted and she became so shy. I almost hugged Joff when he asked her if she was cold. God I needed to get laid. I cannot keep thinking about her like this.

The next morning I awoke early and decided to go for a run to clear my head. It was cold but refreshing to stretch my muscles and feel my feet pounding against the pavement. 45mins later I had worked up a good sweat and was on my way through the doors to hotel when I ran into Joff, talking on the phone. “Okay baby, I gotta go. I miss you. K, K bye sweetie.” He disconnects with a smile on his face like he’s the happiest man alive. “Dude I’m beat. I think I got like an hour of sleep. Tough night last night if you know what I mean. Do you think Coach will be pissed if I miss practice?”

Fuck I’m not in the mood for this right now. “He’ll lose his shit if you don’t go to practice”

“Whatever man, right now I need to sleep.”

He didn’t bother to show up for practice that day and although he was there, dressed and on the ice, he didn’t show up for the game either and we got a beating. Talk about reliable.

Now I have to be around them this weekend…. Can’t hardly wait.

I was pretty shocked when Joffrey invited me to go to Blue Mountain with him and a couple of the guys for the weekend. Apparently, I had made a good impression and when the guys decided to have a weekend getaway, someone suggested I join them so they could get to know me better.

I was feeling better after my little freak out at Real Sports. I’m chalking it up to the fact that I was just feeling overly self-conscious and maybe a little bit jealous at the female attention Joff was getting.

I’m not na├»ve to think that it doesn’t happen to him but it’s another to have it go down in front of me. Some girls have no shame.

Friday arrived pretty quickly and I couldn’t wait for my work day to end. Thankfully I took a half day and was out f there at noon. Last night Jenn helped me pack my small weekend suitcase casually dropping hints how I should pack some sexy lingerie just in case I needed it. I assured her there was no need. There was no way I’d be having sex with Joff while his friends were in the vicinity.

After work I drove home like a bullet, had a quick shower being careful not to wet my hair. When I got out I was surprised to hear Joff was already there talking to Jenn. He was talking up Tyler to her saying how he was single and thought she was cute. I instantly felt the pang of jealousy as the words about Tyler left his mouth. Not only that but I was so embarrassed considering that last night I told Jenn about the “lunch incident” and how I couldn’t stop thinking about Tyler since the last time I saw him.

“Jenn, why don’t you join us this weekend? There’s plenty of room and Michele would love to not be the only girl there I’m sure”

“Love to but I’ve made plans for the weekend.”

“Come on Jenn, you could just make a phone call and bail. Go ask Michele, I’m sure she’d love it if you came.” Seconds later I hear her run down the hall and run through the bathroom door and slamming it shut behind her. “So what do you think?” she asks looking at me expectantly.

“About what?” I pretend.

“Don’t give me your bullshit, I know you heard everything. I think we both know that these walls aren’t sound proof.” She crosses her arms and cocks her brow daring me to deny it.

I take a deep breath to sturdy my emotions before I answer. “I think you should come. Since Tyler likes you it could lead to something great or at least a good time” I give her a knowing smile. But the look she gives me in return is not a good one. Jenn pops both of her hands on her hips and stares at me with a disappointed look on her face “Do you really think I’m going to hook up with your “boyfriend”? She says using air quotes. “What kind of a bitch do you think I am? Besides, you said Boyce was going to be there right? I’m already going to have my hands full, thank you very much.” With that she’s out the door and yelling to Joff that she’s coming.

With my gym bag packed I knocked on Luca’s door to get his ass moving. He decided to join us last minute which was great since he’s such a good time plus we could carpool given that we’re roomies. He insisted we take his car since he thought it was chick magnet. I’m surprised when Luca opens his door and comes out bags packed and ready to go “Everyone’s meeting at Starbucks so we can leave together. We gotta go we’re already late.” He grabs his keys off the island and we make our way down to the car.

On the ride over I’m nervous, a solid mix of both good and bad. Good because I can’t to see her, bad because I can’t control how I feel about her. My hands starting sweating at just the thought of being near her and have to keep wiping them on my jeans to try and calm my nerves.

We pull into the parking spot next to Darryl’s car and I scan our little crowd. She isn’t among them and neither is Jenn. Instantly I feel disappointed at not seeing her but then think maybe by some stroke of luck she decided to not come to save me from my private torture.

Of course she couldn’t make it easy on me. When I spotted her coming out the coffee shop, drink in hand smiling at laughing with Jenn, I couldn’t peel my eyes off of her. She was like a ray of sunshine bursting through the clouds on a gloomy day. She’s wearing those boots with the fur on the top that all the hot girls wear and a pair of yoga pants that cling to well toned thighs, and now that I see them in action I’m imagining them wrapped around my waist. Holy shit. Her coat is the exact same one I have only white and she has the fur trimmed hood covering her head from the cold winter wind.

“Is that her?” Luca asks me and for a minute I wonder if he’s read my mind and knows I want her. “Who?” I ask quizzically.

“Joff’s prize?”

“Yup, she’s the taller one. The other is her friend Jenn.” When I exhale it comes out like a sigh.

“Joff was telling me that you wanted a piece of her.”

Surprised by the question I stumble and stupidly ask “What…Who?”

“Jenn you dork! What is up with you today?” He looks at me like I’ve grown three heads.

“No…..Nothing just tired, couldn’t sleep” Which was true since I was dreading this trip with a passion and tossed and turned all night.

“Are you gonna make your move this weekend?” He asks nodding his head in their direction while he turns the car off. I wish. “Naw man, I’m not really into her.” Luca looks at me with a completely blank look on his face like I’ve surprised all the thoughts out of his head. “Seriously? Can I have her???” His excitement makes him look like a child asking for a puppy. I laugh and shrug. “She’s fair game but I think Darryl has his eye on her too.”

“He can try” He laughs and does a little fist pump, I can’t help but chuckle at his optimism.

We get out of the car to greet everyone as she makes her way over. The girls stroll up to the group just as she’s tucking a piece of hair behind her ear that escaped her pony tail when her hood slipped off. God she’s adorable. She looks up at me for the first time, a beautiful smile lights up her features and she waves a small wave. The gesture makes me instantly warm and nervous. I feel my cheeks get hot and wish I could control how shy she makes me feel. The only thing I can manage to do is mouth “Hi” back to her.

Joffrey introduces Jenn officially to everyone and makes a real spectacle when it’s my turn, saying what a great guy I am, clapping me on the back and carrying on. “I’m sure he is” She says as she winks at me then looks from me to Michelle and back at Joff. The gesture makes me freeze in place but I realize the look was only for Michele and I to see. My stomach drops with a flash of humiliation. Fuck I hope Joff hasn’t told them I like Jenn, how embarrassing and awkward would that be.

Thankfully my thoughts are disrupted as hands clap my shoulders again “Let’s get this party started!!!” Boyce calls and the boys let out a couple hoots and hollers as everyone loads up their cars and pull out on to the road.

As soon as we get in the car Joff leans over and grabs my hand. “Hey, are you ok sweetie?” he asks me as his hand soothingly strokes the back of mine.

“Ya, I just haven’t been feeling myself lately” Because I’ve been too busy fantasizing about your teammate.

“You getting sick?” the concern in his voice makes me feel guilty.

“I hope not but I promise not to let it ruin our great weekend.” I say with a smile and rub his thigh in a soothing gesture.“Good. No more weirdo Michelle. Okay?” He asks as he brushes a piece of hair out of my face “Okay I promise” leaning over to give him a quick peck. It felt good to actually like it. Lately I feel like my mind has been playing tricks on me and I’m starting to doubt whether or not I really like Joff. Maybe it’s because the end of the season is coming and I don’t know what that holds for us. Technically we haven’t made any big declarations of exclusivity and we haven’t labeled anything, so maybe I’m anxious about that, I don’t know. I can see that he’s great guy and that maybe this crush of mine is getting a little carried away.

The ride up was fun. We listened to music and sang along. It was good to relieve some of the tension that had built up in my body from my brief encounter with Tyler. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the weekend with us being in such close quarters if just the act of him smiling at me gets me worked up. Even when Joff gave me a hug before we got in the car I felt a little awkward hugging him back in front of Tyler. I know he senses something’s up since we haven’t slept together since the lunch, which is not our normal. I can’t explain it but I just have this feeling that something isn’t right between Joff and I and I won’t let myself get hurt. I keep thinking that I’m imagining things and that it’s only because I’ve developed this kind of “crush” on Tyler, but I have this nagging feeling that there more to it than that.

I know I’m just over reacting and that I need to focus on Joff this weekend and not care about what Tyler is doing. I have this super sweet guy who is amazing in bed and actually seems to care about me to keep me entertained. I need to keep my eye on the prize and not get distracted by the friends he’s made here. I don’t need to make anything awkward for us or screw things up with him and his team.

Two and a half hours later we arrived at our private chalet. “Why don’t you girls go in and we’ll bring in the bags” Darryl suggested. As soon as she opened the door Jenn ran off to check out the bed rooms, like any big kid would do.

Now, I’ve been to some nice chalets in my life even here in Collingwood, but this place was nicer than I ever could have imagined. It was a made to look like a typical wood cabin except enormous with nearly twenty foot ceilings. Rich warm browns and taupe’s on the walls with the softest carpet I’ve ever walked on in my life throughout. The best feature had to be the gorgeous stone fire place in the middle of the living room that was open on either side. It was so warm and cozy looking I could picture myself curled up with a book one of sofa’s or chairs while a roaring fire burnt in the fore ground.

“Beautiful” I heard behind me and turn to see Tyler looking right at me. “It is isn’t it?” I reply and continue to take in my surroundings. He steps beside me and we stand there silently admiring the details in front of us. I look over at him as he looks at me and we both smile at the same time. “Everything in this room is gorgeous”